lumière des étoiles

Where'd it all go?
2004-11-08 4:11 p.m.

This past week has produced the best headlines ever, and they didn't even have anything to do with the election!

"Feds: Obesity Raising Airline Fuel Costs"

So not only do we make poor decisions, ready and willing to overlook someone's lies and rash decisions (you know, the kind that resulted in thousands of deaths and global upheaval) so long as they just mention the name "Jesus" enough times, we're also so fat that it's starting to impact more than just our own personal health. And we expect everyone else to pay for it too, cause - DAMN IT - we have a right to be so fat. Isn't that what that "pursuit of happiness" thing and being an American is all about? Some of us might say that it's not, but then there's that whole majority thing that seems to drive our decisions.

And let's not forget:

"Aides Insist Arafat 'Just Sleeping'"

You gotta hand it to people who fight the fight to deify their leaders even after all hope is lost. This kind of reminds me of Castro's doctors - you know, the ones who go on television insisting that, although no human has ever done so before, el presidente "will live to be 150 or so". Oh for sure! I love these guys. In defiance of all logic, they insist that they're leader, the "chosen one", is not/will never be affected by mortality, and are in fact so far above human that their liver failure is in fact just a "small infection" that they'll most certainly recover from.

I guess I'll buy it. Lord knows that if I were in Arafat's shoes, I'd be really really tired too - so tired, in fact, that people might think I am in a coma also. Silly us.

A student told me just today that she's been turning to her bible as a sort of stable element in her life. She's a lesbian and is from a bi-racial family, and she's depressed about how people seem to have consciously voted against accepting people like her into our society. She feels dehumanized, outcast, and rejected, even though she feels she's done nothing more than be who she is. The bible, she says, has helped her "look for meaning" in what she feels is an increasingly "thoughtless and unloving society".

She said she was frustrated that Kerry conceded, and that he didn't run an aggressive enough campaign. I started to agree, but stopped when something clicked. "But isn't that ultimately Christ-like?" I asked her. She said she'd have to think about it, but then right away said, "My God, I didn't think about it that way."

So I add more to my confusion with this new thought - how someone like Bush represents morality is beyond me. Saying you do doesn't make it true, why can't people see this? He is determined to "make his mark" on the world, so many non-partisan biographers or documentarians have told us about Bush. He insists on doing so through egoistic dominance, however, with his "shock and awe" campaign, with his refusal to compromise or consider the feelings of other countries. How much more unChrist-like can you get?

"Judge not lest ye be judged" is such a beautiful edict, and why I can conceptualize how beautiful religion is. It's what makes me accept Christian teachings and messages, and see them as an inherently good thing - a good part of my Catholic upbringing. For this reason, I also love and appreciate similar Buddhist teachings and philosophies, as well as the people who have partaken in them, particularly Martin Luther King, Jr. (remember someone hated how Christ-like he was in his push for equality for "all of God's children", that they shot him to death, in the "name of religion").

What I fear, though, is that there's some new slant to fundamentalist Christianity that I don't even understand - one that insists on aggression and implicity fosters violence, one that insists on judgment, one that elevates people to a place only God can occupy - one that decides who is acceptable or worthy and who is not.

Some might say that this is nothing new - but I have to say that it is to me. My mother is as religious as they come, and she is not judgmental, does not believe she has the right to put people into categories, and doesn't believe in violence. My mother is not exactly pro-choice, and she disagreed with Kerry's position on abortion rights. She could not, however, in the interest of everything she stands for as a human and a follower of a Christian religion, stand behind a man who rushed to war, a man who lied about the causes for war, and an administration which "seems to pass judgment on so many others". She could not put her faith in someone who seems to care so much for the wealthy in this country while devaluing or disregarding the rest of us.

As annoying as that "WWJD" paraphernalia all was, what happened to it? Bush, with his insistence on egoistic dominance, with his "might makes right" stance, with his destructive decisions and policies designed only to aid the few people who don't even need aid, is one of the most un-Christ-like (or Buddha/Mohammed-like, if you prefer) presidents we've seen in decades. Why is that so hard to see?

Or has my experience with religion been so inherently different than that of the rest of the country that it might as well be two different religions? I suppose it sort of is, isn't it? I think I'm grappling with and coming to recognize something that's been a conundrum for years. I don't mean to make it sound like this is some revolutionary discovery of a new problem. But since "faith" or "morals" is what was a deciding factor for so many voters, I'm forcing myself to think about religion in ways I never really had to before.

My family taught me the basics of a religion, but they also taught me to think for my self. Is that the difference? When I told my mother that no, I wouldn't go to church with her since they've stopped giving out communion to people who are pro-choice, she completely understood. In fact, she agreed very much with my complaint - no human has the right to judge me so and deny me something that is representative of my connection to God, whatever it may be. Talk about playing God, being disrespectful, and being heretical. If the way I'm living my life is wrong, it's up to some higher power to judge me when the time comes, is it not?

I guess we can't ignore that Foucaltian discussion of power and how it corrupts in all this, though - and what Milgram might have to say about blind obedience to such power. Man, I really hate to make people sound like such sheep. I really don't feel that way about people - but I feel for Simoena, the student I'd mentioned earlier. What she sees in the Bible is the antithesis of what the Bush administration has practiced. Yet most people cite the Bible as their reasons for citing Bush.

I know there's a varying degree of interpretation - and now more than ever I see that I never realized how severe it is. How could I have overlooked such a fundamental issue like interpretation and perception? I feel naive and shafted. I feel silly and like a child.

It's nice and humbling, though, so ultimately it will only make me stronger.

Salem was beautiful and wonderful, as it always is; Steve and I had a great time just walking around, not confined by any schedules. No phone, no TV, no friends, just us. We had a fabulous dinner on Saturday night, and hung out in the kitchy-est bar on Friday. People were friendly and the weather was beautiful. We spent hours talking, something we never seem to have the time to do here.

On the way home, we were listening to an "all 90's weekend" on some station, and I thought about what a lack our current culture is defined by. It's really hard for me to avoid the golden age crap ("when I was your age..."), and I know I'm somewhat limited and entrapped by it. But at the heart of many a 90's subcultural movement, there was purpose and artistry and intellect - not a vapid lack of or disregard for things. I feel we've left that integrity behind in the interest of materialism and superficiality. All I need to do is think of how music has been canned and mass-produced more now than it ever has before to understand that it's not only my longing for my youth that makes me think this.

The bit of integrity that comes out of some scenes today is tarnished, for me anyway - this whole hipster thing is so pathetic. Its whole m.o. seems to be ironic detachment and apathy. And if there's one thing I hate, it's the "waaaaaah, we're white and educated!" bunch.

I went to a political rally/show run by a couple of young kids a month or so ago, and I was so disappointed by the segregation, apathy, and disconnectedness that I left an hour earlier than I planned. No one was talking. When I mentioned NARAL to a girl selling water, since she had a planned parenthood t-shirt on, she kind of mumbled and stared at me until I walked away. I still have no idea what she said.

When my friend Jen answered a question that a performer "asked" the audience, everyone stared at her as if she'd just ripped her clothes off.

People whom I didn't know but then saw later in the parking lot, recognizing them from where we'd both been earlier, actually asked me if I thought that was "garbage or what". These two were slightly older, like me, and I suspect that they also went there expecting dialogue, discussion, or at least some life. "They don't make 'em like they used to, I guess", the woman said before closing her car door. Then they drove away, leaving me alone in the parking lot.

Like them, I was so disappointed by the overall blasé and clique-ish tone that I left an hour earlier than I planned. No one was talking. No one was encouraging talking. And no one looked alive. Wanna-be existentialists? Or is that even awarding them too much credit?

I'd hoped it was just me - surely it must just be me. But I'd heard others singing the same tune - general apathy wherever they want, a lack of motivation and a disconnect that left people suspicious of one another rather than accepting of one another. And these are the liberals!

I must have missed something huge here. We've shifted massively, and I seem to have ignored it. Maybe I've immersed myself so much in the cultures of the ten or eleven countries that I've been in over these last four years that I haven't wanted to pay attention to our growing laziness, disconnection, or blind submission. Never thought I'd say I miss the 90's, as aimless at it seemed to be sometimes, but there's a certain integrity that seems to have slipped away. Will we get it back?

Ugh, I have that "jaded" taste in my mouth. I need to go get it out, excuse me.

xo