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The Great Escape
2004-11-04 11:34 p.m.

"I'm watching CNN World right now, and I can't believe what I'm seeing," my friend Mary, formerly of the US but now of Switzerland, wrote to me early Wednesday morning. "While I wish I was there with you now, I'm suddenly grateful for all these friggin' Swiss snobs. At least they're rational".

"It's official," said an email from John, sent sometime around 11 am on Wednesday, "we are the dumbest country in the world".

"Canada is the answer," my ex-bf Myke text messaged to me on Wednesday afternoon. Katy left a similar voice mail, but then said "Oh wait, they won't let us in, that's right". Yeah, tell me now that we're not going to have a draft. I suppose Canada has just arbitrarily decided to tighten border controls and restrict temporary residence permits.

"I'm thinking Australia," Jeremy left on my voice mail later the same day.

"Sounds good to me," Jen wrote, just today, in an email that depicted the North East becoming "New Canada", California becoming "Baja Canada", and the rest of the country becoming TEXAS.

So what happens next? A mass exodus? I suddenly feel like a trend setter with my EU citizenship. Was I prophetic? No. Wanting to live in other places - that's typical for me and Steve. But people who'd never want to leave feeling suddenly uncomfortable in their own country, clambering to flee? Now that's really saying something.

It says almost as much as the consolatory email I received from Gavin, our friend from South Africa. When your friends from an African country write to you in your easy-access, convenient Western state of excess and whole-heartedly, seriously say "man, it must be hard to be where you are right now", it's hard to know how to respond. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. It's funny, native South Africans feeling bad for us. On the other hand, it presents a reality that I just don't want to deal with yet. Is this really my country? So divided, voting against civil rights? So blind that they've let someone use their own religion to oppress and exploit them? I'm enraged at this misuse of religion and faith - at the using of it for the political and monetary gain of a few old, fat, ugly white men. Why aren't they?

I've had long conversations with my students about the problems with the phrase "moral values". They're taking classes where they're being asked to think critically, yes, but they're very young; a handful not even old enough to vote yet (the last one turns 18 in December). Why is it that they seem to be more careful thinkers than entire groups of adult people in other states?

"Why are they afraid of a terrorist attack?" Ronald asked me yesterday, pointing to Arkansas on the stupid red/blue state map one of the students brought in. "What do they think, they'll blow up the local library?" Everyone burst out laughing. But then we grew suddenly quiet and didn't say much for a painful few seconds. My students looked at me, waiting for answers. I had none to give.

This particular state map had exit poll information on it, which of course included factors that motivated state residents to vote for Bush. "Fear of terrorist attack" was neck in neck with moral values.

So we fear the big bad gay, the big bad terrorist, the big bad black man and his attempt to cut into our paychecks, demanding welfare and reforms to his child's inner-city school. We fear, we fear, we fear.

And when we fear, we riot. We're violent. We're impulsive, reckless, and destructive. We steal. We separate. We run to our big cars or big homes and slam the locks down on the doors to feel safe. Oh, but that about sums up the last four years anyway, doesn't it?

Mary told me that a headline from a British rag she gets delivered to her home in Switzerland read "How Could [insert insanely large number representing bush votes here-I don't even want to know the actual figure] People Be So Stupid?" The first thing I felt when I read her email was shame. I know how they're laughing, how they're outraged, how they're disgusted in other countries.

But then I was quickly talked out of my shame. "Hell I'm getting those stupid "Don't-blame-me-I-voted-for-Kerry!" bumper stickers printed up and putting them on everything I own. I'm not going to be anything by default. They sympathize with us, with people like you and me, believe me."

A call from Nela made me look at things in a different way - "You live in another country, girl. Don't you get that yet? Damn, at least yours is where the intelligent people are." I didn't, until I realized that she meant the North East (/California) and how culturally separated or divided we are from the rest of the country. When what she was saying hit me, my stomach sank.

It's too expensive to live here. When I look at homes in other states, I see how unbelievably cheap property is and consider what University I might find in proximity to the home for sale. But this is a horrible reminder to how naive I may be in all this. I don't want to live in a place where people are so pliable, or a place where people just don't care or can't care or won't care about anything but themselves. I can't live in a place where because I have a pro-choice bumper sticker on my car, people would burn crosses on my lawn or kill my cats. I can't live in a place where a stupid, $300 tax rebate from two years ago, with which half the morons in this country probably spent on a shiny new x-box, decides your vote a couple of years later, little else mattering.

I'm sick of caring more about people's futures than they do. I hate it when I say as much about my students, but that's at least sometimes understandable and kind of expected. But in this situation - no. I've given up saying "Why would people vote against their own best interests?" I've put to rest agonizing over what will happen to welfare and low-income schools, because so many people who fall into these demographics themselves don't seem much to care. If they voted for Bush, how could they?

Brian, another prof. who is quickly becoming my new best friend at the tech school where I teach, told me a lot about Ohio the other day. He grew up there, and moved here to NY about ten years ago. Before Kerry conceded, we were all wondering which way Ohio would go. Brian told us not to hold out much hope. "It's crazy," he said, "it should be the most promising state. In Dayton alone, there's like a 50% unemployment rate. You'd think those people would realize that the last four years really has something to do with that. But they won't." "Why not?" I asked. "They don't care". Too bad I do so much. Too bad he does. Too bad it keeps us up at night. Too bad I almost threw up when I thought about how low the economy will sink under this administration - how we'll see poverty grow and grow and grow.

I don't think it's coincidental that PBS ran a special tonight (hosted by Alan Alda, how odd) on Stress and its effects on the body. Since I'd like to keep my BP where it is, and aim to be a "low-hostility" person, I'm going to find some way to deal with this slowly, categorizing it all away somewhere little by little.

One thing that really helped: Steve's surprise announcement that he booked us a beautiful room in a lovely Inn in Salem for the weekend. We'll miss Ryan's phat house-warming party, but since we just helped him build half his furniture, I'm sure he'll understand (please? tee-hee). Besides, we really need to get out of here. I have tai-chi tomorrow, and then I'm teaching. We'll be up to Mass. by nightfall, and won't come back until Sunday night. Yay.