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Life So Far
2004-09-19 6:09 p.m.

The colder weather we experienced in Jo'burg has finally caught up with us here, it seems. Only there, the sun is undeniably strong; cold fronts are no match for its power, it has no problems heating the day until the cold feels less uncomfortable or painful and more pleasant or soft.

I must say I love the Fall; I'd miss the change of seasons if we were ever to move somewhere season-less. Steve and I fought on Friday about not spending enough time together, preoccupied by our over-packed lives, so we realized the best solution was to spend more time together this weekend.

Reading that back it all sounds funny to me - we just returned from two months of spending every waking moment together. You'd think we'd need some space or something. But I guess we're no where near that stage in our long-term relationship, and still very much need to be in constant contact with one another.

So we went out to dinner alone - something we haven't done since Budapest - and had really good Mexican food on Friday night. We met Thomas and Nicole later at some Scottish club in Kearny. Thomas' pipe and drum band were having their end of the year party. Since they'd come in last in nearly every competition, they decided to make it a big one. Various members throughout the party played a lot, alone or together. So the night was full of beautiful music and old men coming up to us, yelling over the sounds, "It's a good thing you kids are interested in a little CUL-CHA." That last word would be "culture", but must be imagined with the appropriate Kearny accent to be appreciated for its full comedic value. Well we thought it was funny, anyway.

We had a slow rest of the weekend - talking a lot, eating well, remembering so many things. It was nice. We saw our friend Ryan for a bit on Saturday night, but then left early so that we could have more time alone. I wonder why it is that it's so easy to forget how good another person can make you feel? I wonder why it's so easy to say "I have no time", when in fact it's not that difficult to make the time? I guess the good thing is that we always are able to catch ourselves in this "I'm-too-caught-up" behavior and not give in to it. I'd imagine that this is what has the potential to destroy so many relationships. I'm glad at least one of us always seems to realize that it's going on before it's too late; which one of us just depends on who's more stressed at work.

Speaking of which - sigh. School for me right now is a veritable shit storm. My classes, as usual, are going well - everyone's personalities are slowly creeping out, and things have been challenging enough to keep me on my toes and interested in having some good break-throughs with my students. So as is the usual, it's not the teaching or classes that are so chaotic, it's everything else. This particular semester, though, jeezy.

We didn't get paid when we were supposed to last Friday. And when I say "we", I'm referring to all non-tenure track faculty, full- and part-time. This NEVER HAPPENS. So naturally I assumed that we would be paid immediately, the following week, whenever this temporary glitch was fixed. But no, I was told, we would not get paid until the END OF THE MONTH. Understandably, my colleagues and I were outraged. It's actually illegal to make someone in our positions work for A MONTH and pay them NOTHING; schools are supposed to have insurance for just such an occasion to be able to remit payment to their employees. When I pointed this out to the powers that be, I was literally told to "go away". I was told that since "the paperwork hadn't been filed", there was no way we were going to get paid before September 30. "Oh," I said, "you mean the paperwork we all signed in JUNE? That paperwork?" Missing or ignoring my implications, I was dismissed again from the payroll office and told that "more important things" were going on that "needed more immediate attention". I yelled back, I couldn't help myself. "This is my JOB! Do you think I do this for shopping money?", I said. "I have to pay my RENT! Before September 30!" I did the best I could to control myself, but was dismissed nonetheless.

So...I called my union rep. I wanted answers. I found out that what the school decided to do (and I say "decided" because of the obvious: one person's "mis-filed paperwork" is an accident, every single non-tenured employee's is a design) is in fact illegal and that I had full right to pursue the matter until I was paid. So we all got organized and decided what to do; some demanded hand-cut checks out of petty cash, and after much agitation on our parts, got them. Some settled on getting paid this week instead - so we'll see what happens. I'm hopeful and positive since I have the power of law on my side. Sigh.

It's funny that some people I meet, when I explain what I do, assume I either make unbelievably ridiculous amounts of money or work in some sort of Utopian academic wonderland. Both of those notions are far from the reality of my everyday life. I do wonder sometimes what other schools are like; the ones that don't pull what my Uni pulls, the ones that have more permanent lines open to hire people or offer more accessible benefits. Before I completed my degree and hence wound up where I am today, my now-director told me that I clearly qualified for a PhD program and suggested I apply to Columbia's Rhetoric/Comp Theory Department as a doctoral student. I did, and got accepted. But then I saw what it would cost me, what I would be making as a TA there, and how much I'd have to pay back in student loans after I was done. I thought about having to move to Nebraska or something after I completed their program, since I'd need to go wherever a job was open considering the immediate debt I'd be entering into. For better or worse, I and an old friend took the acceptance letter into my backyard, set it on fire, and then toasted with our cans of beer to making "the wrong choice". I decided to tell Columbia thanks, but no thanks.

So all these years later, did I make the wrong choice? I'm so happy that sometimes I'm afraid I'm dreaming my life. If I wasn't where I am now, so many variables wouldn't have been in the right place. Steve, my travels, my relationship with my family, new and old friends - would these things be such a foundation of support if I had been somewhere else these last five years? Would any of these things be in existence if I were somewhere else these last five years?

I guess sometimes I do wonder whether or not I'd have to be dealing with so much political garbage and exploitation if I were somewhere else. I do wonder what it would be like to already have my Doc and be looking for a Tenure line. But then I think about all the fun I've had, and about the life I lived; I wouldn't give it up, not any of it, the pain or the joy, for anything.

I'm off to see what Steve is up to - I hear rattling around and suspect dinner is on its way. I ran for a mile and a half today without even realizing it, and now I'm absolutely starving.

xo,