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Some realistic standards
2003-10-14 11:05 p.m.

Oh yay. Just saw an advertisement for yet another show that's going to make people feel bad about themselves. This one, on MTV, a "reality" TV show, is about two "average teenagers" who just happen to be trillion-gazillionaires since they're the daughters of Tommy Hillfigger or something like that.

Let us all watch with glee as they send the personal assistant - of course, a mandatory thing for any sixteen year old to have - off in the private jet to Seattle to get the girls their favorite coffee. Let us wonder what will happen in next week's episode - will they buy their favorite Chihuahua the fifteen-hundred dollar doggie sweater?

This poor middle class MTV generation; they're attacked from all sides constantly. Since I've been in a somewhat reflective mood for the past three years, I've watched dynamics come and go, cultural trends shift from one end to another. Always an emphasis on a couple of things though: how horribly un-cool middle class teenagers are.

They're not cool enough to be "from the streets", since mom and dad have jobs in middle management that have landed them a comfortable home in the suburbs. They're also not cool enough, though, to have enough money to look, act, or shop like the "average teens" they see all the time on these shows.

So it's just TV, though, right? If the kid's too stupid to realize that...they have bigger problems anyway, right?

Wrong - particularly since I as an educator have been noticing a trend lately toward perfectionism in students; so much so that they'll come to me shaking and crying if they've gotten a C on one assignment.

These ain't your typical over-achievers, either; they're average students who, a few years back, probably would have accepted and perhaps even been proud of their average work. A C, after all, means the work is at a passing level.

But this, suddenly, seems to be a culture that is so unforgiving; a culture that puts on display images that far-exceed the norm and call them "reality", call them "average".

The real average, existing quite independently of what a TV producer calls "reality", is replaced by the flashy, not-so-average "average". Suddenly the perfect or above-average becomes the average, and everyone feels less than average even when they're doing just fine.

ODDLY ENOUGH, companies sell a lot of products as a result of this conditioning. quel suprise!

I remember quite clearly when the first Real World came out. I remember how ubiquitous the notion was that it wasn't exactly real after all. For one thing, it was TV - subject to much editing; for another, the people on it were mostly in the entertainment business - models, actors, artists, folk singers, whatever. No one was a plumber, that's for sure. It was "real" with some fudging; we all understood it to be so. Even MTV made some allowance to that notion. We made an exception for MTV's creative license, we took into consideration a show that was probably meant more as performance-art than something which acutally proposed that it reflected reality.

So what has happened to that rhetoric?

Why do we suddenly forget to say "Oh, it's TV, doi", and walk away if we're suddenly feeling lame after watching a teen sip lattes in her limo? Or the unpopular girl get "Made" on MTV and then be instantly accepted in her perfect cosmetic-ed glory?

Are we getting stupider? I don't think so - I wouldn't exactly call my students stupid. So why is it that these reality shows seep into their heads, implanting the horrific idea that reality shows really do present reality? And that they, in turn, must keep up with the "real" standards and expectations these shows display?

It seems that once again a dynamic has been created by our culture in which a simple, basic idea gets distorted, twisted, exaggerated and perverted until it becomes harmful and threatening.

Year 1: "Let's do a show where we just tape real life"

Year 2: "Viewers are getting bored, let's start scripting. And while we're at it, find prettier people. These people look to average. That's boring."

Year 3: "Let's do Reality shows about Celebrities. These pretty, real people aren't pretty enough anymore. And besides, their lives are boring and average."

Year 4: "Only hire actors and actresses; the more well known the better. Start writing all the lines, manipulating every situation. Make sure that every story ends well; make sure each effort is a success".

Reality TV becomes just regular TV, but doesn't lose the label. Young people still categorize it as reality, and then look at their own real reality in disgust and shame.

So maybe some are too bright, thank god, to really let this pattern sink in. For some it's not a question of brightness, it's just that human tendency to be self-deprecating and self-abuse that actually finds an enabler in these shows. It becomes easier to hate yourself when you have TV telling you why you should; telling you that you are way, way below average.

I'd like to think that this cultural brainwashing, that this colonization of our minds doesn't affect everyone, but it does. I was struck most recently by the sight of a friend I hadn't seen in years, a beautiful, vivacious and intelligent friend I always remembered fondly. This girl had quite a spark and a flare for the creative; she was really someone to be reckoned with and I always remember wondering what she'd do with her life - it seemed that she could do anything she wanted to. She was just that kind of person. Seeing her recently broke my heart, she has grown so thin and seems so worn down. The spark in her eyes is gone, it seems her creative energy has vanished. She seems to want to convince everyone she's happy enough, and perhaps she is; there's something different about her though, something that seems to be missing. She seems...old, weathered, disillusioned somehow. It seems her ambition, maybe her belief in herself is gone. I don't know, can't say for sure. What I do know is there's a blankness to her; there's a bland generic that has come in to replace the exotic creativeness that once was. It's almost as if she's been taught to become like everyone else - beautiful in that kind of way, I guess, when what really made her truly beautiful was what she was before - intelligent, creative, sexy, different.

Why did this happen, why to her, of all people? I have to believe something in our culture is partially to blame - something got to her and convinced her that she wasn't good enough the way she was; that to fit in she had to be a certain way - thinner, more beautiful, more concerned with her appearance. More like everyone else.

I hate that everyone asks me what's happened to her, because I don't know. I hate all the questions, but I understand their concern. My hands are tied and I've resolved myself to fact that it's not my place to push or ask questions. She remains a horrible example, though, of why I have to keep teaching about these things, and why I have to keep writing about them. If a culture that puts all of its emphasis on distorting our reality, rewards superficiality and is unforgiving in it's insistence of perfection can claim this girl, it can claim any one of us. Perhaps it hasn't claimed her. I'd love to be wrong. I'm terrified, though, that i'm right.

Thanks for reading, T