78uuu lumière des étoiles

Dusty:Starlight:Culture



...fa la la la la...
2003-12-24   12:24 am

whew-hoo. Finally done with all x-mas preparations. I love giving people presents, and I love being that gift-giver who really thinks about what she's giving so as not to yield that "wow, candles!" generic response. That's nice, and it makes it all fun for me and the recipient (hopefully), but that also means that it usually takes me a long-ass time to get everything.

I am more than satisfied this year with both the finds and the savings. The many re-gifts we are giving this year to people who we don't know so well (i.e., the hubby's principal) helped us stretch our spending budget for people who we do know and love well enough to shower with fabu presents.

Re-gifting is an art; nay, a science. It happens when you a) get something nice, but already have three, b) get something nice that isn't quite your style, or c) get something that you think is hideous but someone else will think is awesome, dude.

For example, how many sets of Christmas candle holders, no matter how lovely, do we need? I think the five we have will do just fine - yes? That sixth can go to someone who might have none. Likewise, since we picked up about 4 wine-glass sets at the wedding, we could spare the one we never even took out of the box, though if our par-tays continue to be as crazy as they have been, we'll need that extra set to replace the breakages.

In any case, a few tips, as I have been the recipient of obvious re-gifts that haven't exactly floated my boat.

1)Be thoughtful about your re-gift. So you don't have the room for that beautiful lamp and Swedish space-age bachelor pad design stuff isn't your style. But might you know someone who's style it is? Classify your re-gifts in this way - categorize for age-appropriate-ness, domicile-appropriate-ness (if someone has a teeny, tiny studio or lives alone, perhaps they don't need a 14 piece, complete-with-salad-bowls-and-butter-dishes dinnerware set) and taste. You'd better know your friends' taste by now.

2)Do NOT give used gifts , unless they're of the hipster, "found art" or vintage variety that all the city kids are just mad over lately. There's nothing like opening a present and finding scuff marks, finger prints, or god-forbid, dried food on it. You're classier than that anyway, right?

3) Perhaps the most important of all: Remember where the gift came from in the first place. Did Aunt Sue give it to you last year in front of Aunt Jane, and now Aunt Jane is receiving it this year in front of Aunt Sue? You'd be amazed how Aunt Sues and Aunt Janes can remember things like this. When I know something is going into the re-gift closet, I keep a little list - who gave it, lest you make the ultimate faux-pas of re-gifting to the original giver(yikes!), and who was around, lest someone's memory kicks in and says "hey...um...". Laugh if you must at my organizational obsessions, but remember that yours truly has never made a re-gifting mistake such as this one, and she generally seems to make gift-recipients happy.

4) Though many etiquette type-people assure us that it's perfectly fine to re-gift (and some don't), it is not perfectly fine to carelessly let on that the recipient has been given recycled goods. Therefore, you really should remove all traces of the original giving from your re-gift. To illustrate, an example from our post-wedding day opening-fest:

Me: Hey Steve, who is Margaret Barker?

Steve: No Idea. Why?

Me: 'Cause there's a card at the bottom of this box from [name withheld] that says "Best of Luck! Luv, Margaret Barker". Did something get mixed up?

Steve: Probably not.

[looks at Margaret Barker's card and at gift]

Steve: Lame.

Me: Lame?

Steve: Re-gift.

Me: Oh, right.

Another example: Got a book once from a friend that was admittedly a great gift. But half way in, on page 100 or so, I discovered a little personal note written to my friend from his ex-gf. Guess she wanted to surprise him, but wound up surprising me instead.

Bottom line is, re-gifting happens, and we all know it. But it's very nice when we can all feign surprise and hours of thought; when we can all suspend that nagging feeling that we've been the recipient of a re-gift. Margaret Barker and "I WUV YOU, HUNNY BUNNY!"-type notes make it harder to pretend. So do the remnants of finger smudginess and baked on food. Or the strange feeling that your new gift looks oddly familiar.

It is the thought that counts, after all - I know that I've parted with some beautiful things at times that we just didn't have room for, and I know that I've parted with things that I've liked very much but knew that some people might like better. Hell, I let a beautiful pair of swarovski crystal candle stick holders go once, 'cause crystal just ain't my thang. Made my boss at the time very happy, though - she thought the world of me since she knew that I knew that her son had broken her old candle holder set.

We must let our egos go enough to realize that we are not everyone's top priority all the time, and that it is ok if people do not exactly like what we give. We try, and sometimes we succeed, but sometimes we don't.

For this reason, I am very seriously considering next year making donations in people's names to various charities, and asking that they do the same for me. In fact, there are many sites now on the internet that create "wish lists" for people, where names of worthy causes/organizations that people are interested in donating to are listed rather than material gifts. I think when you reach the stage where you have enough money to buy yourself whatever it is you want/need when you want/need it, that kind of "gift" is perfect. Of course that will change as life does - someday we will have a house, someday we will probably have children, and so on. But in this limbo stage of my life, I'd rather see Planned Parenthood or the Ms. Foundation get the $30 someone was going to spend on a scarf for me. Cause I already have three of those, and they're just lovely. In case you're mildly interested, see what the good folks at whatgoesaround have put together. Just think, customized charity giving! Know an animal lover? A feminist? An environmentalist? A health-worker? All kinds of worthy and deserving charities can be found here, and a gift like this still carries the potential, perhaps on an even higher level, to represent your thoughtfulness and caring.

So I'm goin' on hiatus for a couple o' days - have fun family stuff to attend; eating, hugging, laughing, giftin' and just generally sitting around and movie watching with the family will be happening for the rest of the week and I can't wait. My biggest challenge is going to be avoiding my beloved Vanilla Coke, considering that since I stopped drinking it I've lost nearly ten pounds and have had regular heart beats again whilst exercising. It's sceery what caffeine does to your body, which you'd never know until you stop having it every day. I'm glad I did though - I'm well on my way to an as-far-from-sedentary-and-unhealthy lifestyle as I'm ever going to get.

That's not such a bad challenge, though, I suppose, since one of my bestest friends just said to me this morning: "My biggest challenge tomorrow is going to be getting through dinner without strangling my sister or throwing pie at my dad".

I'm glad my family's pretty sane. Thanks, Santa.

Happy Holidays,

T