lumière des étoiles

Some things to remember
2003-08-20 12:18 a.m.

Here are a couple of quotes I want my children to hear, whenever they might come to be and would be able to understand.

"I think the reward for conformity is everyone likes you but yourself." - Rita Mae Brown

It's true. We don't like ourselves once we conform. So why do we do it? To seek the approval of others. So they won't "abandon" us. To be loved. Because we don't have the self-confidence to say no, I will wait and wait and wait, even if I have to be alone and lonely, until someone comes and doens't try to boss me around or change me.

"Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was, or what freedom really is." - Margaret Mitchell

One of the most liberating feelings was doing something no one would ever think I'd do. I can't even name a specific thing either, I just remember this: "acting" in such a way and making such decisions that seemed to be too much for some of the people I knew. It was a hard thing to go through, changing, thinking, figuring things out; having people around me not try to understand but only wonder what on earth had gotten into me. I felt like everyone only liked me as I was, not for what I was becoming - more focused on my own needs and what I really wanted. Less focused on playing shrink/mom/wife/ego-booster/fill-in girlfriend. When I finally got my head together, the weight pulling me down was loose, and I felt really free. After that, it felt so good to tell everyone to just stick their whining in their pipes and smoke it, as I'd be elsewhere for the rest of their lives.

And as Audre Lorde said, "'Afraid' is a country with no exit visa." So why let fear dictate your life? It was scary to stop doing this, scary to walk around not being afraid. But you find a new crutch in hope, which makes you a happier, better person than you ever could have imagined you'd be.