78uuu lumière des étoiles

Dusty:Starlight:Culture



More Snow
2003-03-06   4:11 p.m.

More snow. Home early. No McGovern's tonight, which bites the wang. I really appreciate the friendships I've gained through grad school, and thursdays at McGovern's are practically the only nights I get to see the friends I graduated with. They're all grown-ups, you see, with jobs and kids and rock bands and Marxist revolutions to take care of. Such is life. Hopefully, they can all make the party we're having soon - the last time we crammed 25 people in this not-so-big place, it was a blast. Only a few things got broken, and the literary-types eventually sobered up enough to drive home.

So Amp Magazine is looking at one of my pieces now to consider for their print edition. Apparently, my writing is "cheeky". I'm not a brit, so is that good? I'm thinking yes, based on the rest of the note. Ah well, we shall see. If anything, I think i've made a new friend, as the editor is uber-cool.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I cry at the drop of a hat. Or jump a mile high at the slightest noise. I'm not the only one, either. Ryan told me at Aldo's the other night that he's feeling very isolated, though every time we hang out he brings along about 4 other people. Sam told me that he was having "winter depression" issues while we were on the way to see T.C. Boyle read from his new novel, Drop City. Diane said she just can't concentrate on anything lately. I wonder what it is? Is it everyone's apprehension about war?

I started crying today during my Intro to Women's Studies class. I was showing the class a video about the rarely studied contributions African American women have made to liberation movements -- especially the first wave (think Suffragettes) -- and I got teary - ok, more than teary - during a reenactment of a Sojourner Truth speech. In response to an argument that Woman has no right to action because Christ had deemed it so, she replied, "What Christ is this? Who is your Christ? Only woman and God made Christ, man got nothin to do with it." So the actress playing the part was good, so I've been getting less sleep these last few days. Still, there was something more that pushed me over the edge today - something that hangs out in the soft parts of my muscles and makes my stomach tight. It hasn't gone away for weeks. I hate it. Steve helps. Yoga helps. Swimming helps. Writing helps. But it's always there.

I think maybe it's being smart, informed, and able to keep a critical perspective. I think it's maybe the ability to tune into what's really going on - enough so that you know not to trust your own government. Or to fear your own government. Or to not feel safe at all on a global scale. I was thinking about something else before class the other day. We were talking about masculinity and "globalization", or the globalization of masculinity, to borrow a phrase from R.W. Connell . It's basically a set of theories that link imperialism with patriarchy, propagating this patriarchal image of an Ideal Man. This man should be noble, brave, heroic, intelligent, powerful, always protective - never weak. Never caught off guard. Never unprepared. When I asked my students to name men like this from the 20th century, Kennedy's name always comes up. "He was the perfect president", someone will always point out, though they'll have a hard time articulating why if I press them. For me, Kennedy triggers a frightening association. A few years ago, I learned that when Kennedy and Khrushchev were debating at the 1961 Vienna summit meeting, Kennedy felt he failed to appear powerful enough. Khrushchev was antagonistic, which Kennedy wasn't expecting. As a result, Kennedy didn't really know what to do, only stammering out responses toward the end. Upon returning home, he obsessed over this, and sought out an opportunity to reaffirm for the American public that he was the Ideal Man after all. Hence, some say, his initiating US involvement in the Vietnamese civil war.

Far-fetched? Don't think so. Does this at all sound familiar? Did someone's Dad feel he failed to follow through with a mission, and now he must save the family masculinity? You know, I thought when they invented Viagra, all of these old men would have more sex and then be too happy and relaxed to have their mine-is-bigger contests anymore. I see that I was just being idealistic. Patriarchy's reach is so destructive to us all -- it's the force behind so many of our problems, yet it's so difficult for us to see that. I'm scared. All of this kind of makes me want to go back to Africa. There, I felt safe. How's that for messing with your head?

Another scary parallel: Sting, in "Russians", writes about the similarities between the generations of wars. Seems he can add this one to the list.

In Europe and America, there's a growing feeling of hysteria

Conditioned to respond to all the threats

In the rhetorical speeches of the Soviets

Mr. Krushchev said we will bury you

I don't subscribe to this point of view

It would be such an ignorant thing to do

If the Russian love their children too

How can I save my little boy from Oppenheimer's deadly toy

There is no monopoly of common sense

On either side of the political fence

We share the same biology

Regardless of ideology

Believe me when I say to you

I hope the Russians love their children too

There is no historical precedent

To put words in the mouth of the president

There's no such thing as a winnable war

It's a lie we don't believe anymore

Mr. Reagan says we will protect you

I don't subscribe to this point of view

Believe me when I say to you

I hope the Russians love their children too

We share the same biology

Regardless of ideology

What might save us me and you

Is that the Russians love their children too

Thanks for reading,

T